I am boy crazy. I could write a million and a half posts about boys, boys, boys. I think there might have been something there with Carl? no, he sat by me and he is nice. That's it. I am foolish to think anything else of it. Jordan is not worth it.
And after playing loaded questions, here is what boys notice first about girls:
teeth
smile
legs
"curves"
hair
Favorite personality trait in potential girlfriend:
low maintenance
sense of humor (said twice)
playfulness
confidence (said twice)
not-needy
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Health News
High doses of sugar, salt, and trans fat, which are cheap fillers in convenience foods, cause cravings because they disrupt the brain’s natural chemical balance. The more processed foods you eat, the more you crave them...and the vicious cycle continues. Natural hunger becomes distorted when the body’s chemical balance is upset. Supplying the necessary substances required for chemical balance is the key to overcoming unhealthy cravings. Adding supplements to your diet can be very effective in both removing toxins as well as helping to restore chemical balances.
Dream in Detail: “A vow to lose some weight usually doesn’t fuel you. Visualize exactly what you want. Your dream body looks like, the number of pounds you want to drop. The more specific, the better.
Blink
I am currently reading this book called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. So far I like it. There is a lot of insight on relationships and character and stuff.
Here are some thing I am learning from it :
The Big five personality inventory:
1. Extraversion: are you sociable or retire? Fun-loving or reserved?
2. Agreeableness. Are you trusting or suspicious? Helpful or uncooperative?
3. conscientiousness. Are you organized or disorganized? Self-disciplined or weak willed?
4. emotional stability. Are you worried or calm? Insecure or secure?
5. openness to new experiences. Are you imaginative or down-to-earth? Independent or conforming?
Obviously I strongly desire to be sociable, fun loving trusting, helpful, self-disciplined, organized, emotionally stable, calm, secure, and independent. I guess I am not sure if I desire to be fun loving. I think I would like to be, but naturally I do tend to be a bit reserved and I think that is ok. I also do not have a strong preference for if I am imaginative or down to earth. I think they both have benefits. This chart is an eye opener because I am worried that I am falling into the category of the things I do not like. I need to fight to stay self disciplined and organized. Being fun loving, secure, helpful and calm all take intentional effort! It is not genetics, it is an active choice.
I also learned that your bedroom give three kinds of clues to someone’s personality.
1. identity claims. Example: framed diploma, pictures of a track finish…etc
2. behavioral: dirty laundry on the floor vs an alphabetized DVD collection
3. thoughts and feeling regulators: scented candle, art work, making bed. Things that people do to make themselves feel at home are especially good clue. Like peaking inside the medicine cabinet or drawers is especially insightful.
This makes me wonder what kind of message I am sending to the world by my room and how I dress. It also makes me wonder what kind of message I am sending to myself. I have a hunch that if I put more of an intentional effort into decorating my room and my style, that I will better clue others into how they should treat me and that how I treat myself will follow.
Here are things I need to consider about my room: make your bed, keep it very clean, make it inviting, put up curtains and light, artwork and pictures.
In Blink I also read women tend to criticize and men tend to stonewall (cold shoulder). I have a lot to learn before I enter a marriage relationship and my prayer is that God will teach me how to relate to others and how to behave selflessly in a relationship so I can have a positive marriage. I am terrified that I will one day become the stereotypical nagging, annoying wife. I am also scared that I am already the stereotypical girl and drive people crazy with how much i talk about things that essentially don't matter.
Fastest way to Faster: Weight Loss
I just read that by losing 20 pounds, I can drop two and a half minutes off my 6k! That’s nuts! Two and a half minutes is a LOT! That will take me from high 25s to my goal in one snap of the wrist. This is encouraging.
But for some reason, I start to eat less and my body freaks out. I start wondering if I’m anorexic (after eating small portions for two days, I don’t think so) and if I’m doing this all wrong and if it’s even worth it. but I KNOW that it IS worth it! I will feel SO good seeing coach, twenty lbs thinner. I will feel so accomplished. This will be something where my hard work is evident, where I will carry my physical results of my efforts everywhere I go. I will feel more confident around boys.
Simply running every day isn’t going to cut it. I have to be a complete Go Getta', putting it all on the line. I need to do the little things. Run even MORE miles, at faster paces, strides, core, and pks (pillar killers) all day, every day. Cross training will unlock even more doors so I don’t hit a “rut” or a weightloss plateau (before I even start). I know that this will take extreme measures, but I would like to lose 2 pounds a week. I will strive to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day, fasting is great, but I don’t want to consistently fall below 1200.
This WILL be challenging, some days will be harder than others, but only Jesus satisfies. I think this will be good for me spiritually as well. Trusting in the lord, leaning on him for strength, and having a continual gnaw at my stomach reminding me that I need Him, that I am his, that he is all I have, all I need, and all I want. I do not know exactly what I weigh right now, but I think it’s around 135/140ish. I feel so spelt, but I’m sure that is just because I am finally not bloated and not stuffed. If I can truly lose 2 pounds a week, by my dad’s birthday I can be 120-130 (depending on what I weigh now). My goal is 120, but for my height, the low end is 114, so I might try to hit 115 and just see how I feel…but I will definitely be pleased with 120.
My goals are to avoid sugar, refined food, anything chemicals or processed, all pop, all artificial sweetener, never eat when I’m not truly hungry, eat small portions, eat real food, no diet food (like ice cream, just eat the real thing!), and most importantly keeping an accurate food journal. I would also like to make sure that my runs are quality and consistent, increasing in mileage so that I can reach my running potential. As long as my BMI doesn’t drop below 18.5, I’m golden. So go get em! No fear :)
But for some reason, I start to eat less and my body freaks out. I start wondering if I’m anorexic (after eating small portions for two days, I don’t think so) and if I’m doing this all wrong and if it’s even worth it. but I KNOW that it IS worth it! I will feel SO good seeing coach, twenty lbs thinner. I will feel so accomplished. This will be something where my hard work is evident, where I will carry my physical results of my efforts everywhere I go. I will feel more confident around boys.
Simply running every day isn’t going to cut it. I have to be a complete Go Getta', putting it all on the line. I need to do the little things. Run even MORE miles, at faster paces, strides, core, and pks (pillar killers) all day, every day. Cross training will unlock even more doors so I don’t hit a “rut” or a weightloss plateau (before I even start). I know that this will take extreme measures, but I would like to lose 2 pounds a week. I will strive to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day, fasting is great, but I don’t want to consistently fall below 1200.
This WILL be challenging, some days will be harder than others, but only Jesus satisfies. I think this will be good for me spiritually as well. Trusting in the lord, leaning on him for strength, and having a continual gnaw at my stomach reminding me that I need Him, that I am his, that he is all I have, all I need, and all I want. I do not know exactly what I weigh right now, but I think it’s around 135/140ish. I feel so spelt, but I’m sure that is just because I am finally not bloated and not stuffed. If I can truly lose 2 pounds a week, by my dad’s birthday I can be 120-130 (depending on what I weigh now). My goal is 120, but for my height, the low end is 114, so I might try to hit 115 and just see how I feel…but I will definitely be pleased with 120.
My goals are to avoid sugar, refined food, anything chemicals or processed, all pop, all artificial sweetener, never eat when I’m not truly hungry, eat small portions, eat real food, no diet food (like ice cream, just eat the real thing!), and most importantly keeping an accurate food journal. I would also like to make sure that my runs are quality and consistent, increasing in mileage so that I can reach my running potential. As long as my BMI doesn’t drop below 18.5, I’m golden. So go get em! No fear :)
Creed
I, Laura, promise to be my own biggest fan. I promise to give myself pep talks, to not consult my feelings when making decisions, to employ discipline in every detail, and to always strive towards a better life. I promise to guard my heart and to honor God with the way that I live my life. I promise to obey him in every way. I swear to not hair pick, ever. When I am stressed I can workout, talk it out, get out, pray, journal, or sprint. I promise to eat less gluten, lactose, sugar, or aspartame. I promise to keep an accurate food journal, not snacking, and eating only during regular meal times. I promise to read my Bible every day, to go to the word first, and to give God my very first fruits of my time, money, emotion, energy and heart. I promise to walk in the Spirit, to immediately obey my conscience, to stay productive, to limit tv time, and to be social. I promise to put others first. To do everything without complaining or arguing. I promise to be patient with my parents and others. I promise to treat them with love, respect, gentleness and kindness by Jesus’ strength. To help them in every way possible and to show them gratitude, not attitude. I promise to live a life of gratitude, thanking Jesus all day long. To be joyful always, and pray continuously, and give thanks in all circumstances. I promise to write and memorize scripture. To be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. I promise to mentally prepare for workouts, and to treat them as the big deal that they are. I promise to live the life of a runner, in every detail. To do the core workouts, the strides, the cross training, the mental prep, and to never walk when the schedule says run. I promise to run, sprint, or crawl, never walk. I promise to go to wherever I need to go to get a good run in—calhoun, pleasant, Vadnais, snail, or long lake.
I promise to do whatever it takes to reach my goal, my potential, my dream. But I also promise to live my life to the fullest in the meantime. To enjoy the journey, the character change, and the beauty that I am at any weight. I promise to put forth confidence, joy, and a bright smile, to serve others and to seek their comfort and joy before my own, to allow myself to develop an inner beauty far beyond anything that could come externally, to allow myself to be beautiful in the way that I treat others and sacrifice my own joy for theirs. All this is not possible by me, but I have a Father who fights for me. He is the source of strength, and he will strengthen me and help me. Though I stumble, I will not fall. Let it be so.
Things I Like
1. Lists
2. Baby ducks
3. Nike Sport Kit (Nike Plus)
4. NeedtoBreathe
5. Asics Kayanos
6. The Help, by Katherine Sackett
7. Snap Peas (Trader Joe's)
8. Dry Roasted Edamame (literally 2 ingredients, edamame and salt and soooo tasty. I bought them at supertarget)
9. Feeling loved, accepted, and desired
10. Peanutbutter
11. Running2win.com
12. Tea, Coffee, Iced Tea, Iced Coffee
13. Donald Miller (Author)
14. Pearl earrings
2. Baby ducks
3. Nike Sport Kit (Nike Plus)
4. NeedtoBreathe
5. Asics Kayanos
6. The Help, by Katherine Sackett
7. Snap Peas (Trader Joe's)
8. Dry Roasted Edamame (literally 2 ingredients, edamame and salt and soooo tasty. I bought them at supertarget)
9. Feeling loved, accepted, and desired
10. Peanutbutter
11. Running2win.com
12. Tea, Coffee, Iced Tea, Iced Coffee
13. Donald Miller (Author)
14. Pearl earrings
Progress?
I want to burn this feeling into my brain. Right now I feel…motivated, inspired, encouraged. I think if I can continue feeling this way, I will work so much more. It feels so good to work out of joy, out of freedom instead of out of obligation and fear. If I can capitalize on this feeling, and turn running, eating right, and every other daily discipline it something I want to do, I can only imagine how much I can achieve.
I ran with Kayla (a talented teammate) today. She complimented me on working hard, and thinks that I can keep up with her this season! She think I could even be faster than her.
And Coach said I look good, he said I look “lean,” and like I’ve been running a lot this summer. I could not have imagined a better compliment! My reaction though is to say “oh you just wait! Just wait to see how much weight I can lose, I’ll show you what lean really looks like!” And now I want to go eat…but I need to be careful, cautious, I need to stack good week on top of good week. Consistency is key. Jesus, help me. I can do nothing on my own, but with you all things are possible.
Snail Pace at Snail Lake
So for those of you who were wondering, I ended up doing a long run. I didn't make it to Pleasant Lake, but did one of my favorite things to do on long runs--explore. It ended up being longer than I had intended because I kept spotting new trails and cute neighborhoods I wanted to explore. I ended up running 8.57 miles at an average of 8:45 min/mile (snails pace!) and a total time of 75 minutes. I felt tired, and my knees are achy and my heal is pretty sore. I did not end up going to the y as promised, but I might go later. I stretched after my run, filled up my car with gas, and continued my adventurous attitude by going to target and exploring some of the exotic food aisles. I ended up buying ingredients to make yellow lentils with spinach and ginger, a recipe I found on the Mayo Clinic website. I'm a little anxious about the result, but it's healthy and I've been wanting to cook more. Please send me healthy recipes you enjoy, I'd love to try them!
Decisions
Ugh, so I am still deliberating about what's best to do! I can see multiple options: 1. keep today easy and do a long run tomorrow. 2. keep today easy and race tomorrow, then do a long run in the evening 3. keep today easy, race tomorrow, postpone long run. 4. long easy run today, race tomorrow. 5. long today, but keep the pace decent. race tomorrow, take the rest of tomorrow easy, maybe an evening shakout, followed by easy monday, tuesday off, easy wednesday. ok, i like plan 5. i will do a long(ish) run today (aim for 60-70 minutes easy). followed by cross training, then race tomorrow and do an evening shakout to keep my miles up. monday i will do a morning run, run easy with maren in the evening, tuesday off, wed easy with kayla. that way i don't need to be afraid to push the pace and miles today/tomorrow because i am goign to ease up really soon.
50 miles a Week, too much?
I am tempted to give up my dream/goal of running 50 miles a week. I hope it's not because I am scared of hard work or because I am lazy, but I am nervous about over-training and getting injured. My knees have been achy and my right heal is really sore again, I can definitely pin-point the pain, so I am nervous about another stress fracture. So even though it is hard, I am choosing to back away from my obsession with mileage. I will still aim for 40 miles a week, that should be enough as long as I am diligent about cross training. My main goal is to run and stay healthy. Running myself into the ground has no benefit for me if I end up injured. My goal is to get better and better in shape, and that requires me staying healthy in the long run. I sat down with my coach before the summer and he thought 56 miles a week would be a good goal for me in order to run a 24 minute 6k, but I need to be careful, because I am injury prone. I never know how much of my injury prone-ness is mental. But I think at this point in the (off)season I would be best of erring on the side of recovery. Here is my plan of attack (poa) to run injury free
1. Make every run quality. Aim for high mileage, but don't stress as long as I am over 30 miles a week, I am ok.
2. Cross train! This is something I have yet to do this summer. So I am making a commitment to cross train as much as I can, but at least 2 times a week. I can read a book while I bike, watch TV while I elliptical, or cool off in the pool.
3. core, core, core. I really need to do a better job on my core and pks (pillar killers). I am making a commitment to do ten minutes a day of core, mostly planks, pushups and look up some hip strengthening exercises.
4. pks: at least 2-3 times a week
5. lifting: I have never been a big fan of lifting, especially because I struggle creating the calorie deficit necessary to prevent bulking up and I am naturally muscular, NOT your distance runner physique.
6. Stretching: this is another area I have lacked this summer. I am committing to stretch (at least a little) after every run
7. Strides: this past week I have been better at incorporating some short sprints into my run. I am proud because I have added them in the last half mile of my run, the part where I usually slack off/walk. The last stretch of Central park is one of the only parts with hills (even though they're babies!) so it feels good powering up them and I feel so fast on the slight decline. I LOVE the feeling when I am sprinting fast; I feel like I'm flying! So free, so fast, so light.
8. At least twice a week, extended core. Above and beyond my ten minutes a day, twice a week I will do a longer session. Maybe get a pilates or core DVD, some ball work, etc. My "extended" session will be at least 20 minutes. I've read that the elites do 45 minutes of intense core 2-3 times a week, obviously i'm not there, but still, I am capable of lot more than i'm currently doing.
9. 1500 calories a day--It's easy for me to eat less, i get caught up in the exhilarating feeling of hunger. But I need to stop snacking, being honest about how much i'm eating, eating healthy sources of fats, incorporating treats, and eating at least, and hopefully not more, than 1500 calories a day. losing weight will not only help me to feel good, look good, run good, but also it will help prevent injury!
10. Hills: I have largely avoided hills in my runs this summer. This is mostly because my neighborhood is pretty flat, but still there ARE hills, i just haven't gone out of my way to scale them. This will change. From now on, I am going to seek out hills and run up them. I'm not aiming to do a hill workout quite yet (in a couple weeks I'll add a hill day!) but I NEED to do hillier runs. I am lying to myself if I am recording long miles at good paces on only flat streets.
Alright! So there is my ten step plan to run injury free. As I said before, it is hard swallowing a lower mileage. I joined this running website called Running2win.com and all my workouts are posted for my whole team to see, so I would like to impress them, but I need to remind myself that they don't care! Even though it feel like they do, they love me for who I am, they are not going to judge me for a slightly lower mileage. I would be foolish to run more than I can handle and end up injured. My team would much rather have me healthy than recording crazy summer mileage. Not to leave out, that running that high mileage, I run the risk of substituting speed for distance, and as I'm training for the 6k, I would be stupid to neglect speed in order to log long miles.
All that being said, I need to do about 10 miles today to keep on track for 50 miles a week, but I have a race tomorrow and my knees have been hurting. I am going to run at pleasant which is a 5 mile loop, mostly on grass/gravel which might help some of the pounding. Even though this is a long run, I am only going to do one lap and then see how I feel. I am tempted to race myself, and push the pace and see how fast I can round the lake, but I'll save that for another day. I think I will have to do at least 8 miles to count this as a long run, but maybe I could do a long run on Sunday with maren (doubtful, she said she's slow....) or sunday (doubtful, after a race?) well, against my better judgment I am going to play this one by ear. i know that often when I "wing it," I end up slacking. This is where I often struggle. I can see both sides, and I struggle to strike a balance. I can see the benefit of working hard, I mean look at Dan Greeno, he's ALL hard work and that has served him well, but I don't want to overwork and end up injured. So here's my tentative plan:
run around pleasant lake: 5 mile loop, aim for at least 8 slow miles (would I be better off going fast?), no I will keep this one easy, i can do faster workouts later on this summer, and then I will go to the ymca to bike, swim, and/or lift. then extended core workout, lunch, shower, and read at the beach or go to the mall, or bookstore. gonna be a good day as long as I can keep my eyes fixed on Him. That is, afterall, ALL that matters!
1. Make every run quality. Aim for high mileage, but don't stress as long as I am over 30 miles a week, I am ok.
2. Cross train! This is something I have yet to do this summer. So I am making a commitment to cross train as much as I can, but at least 2 times a week. I can read a book while I bike, watch TV while I elliptical, or cool off in the pool.
3. core, core, core. I really need to do a better job on my core and pks (pillar killers). I am making a commitment to do ten minutes a day of core, mostly planks, pushups and look up some hip strengthening exercises.
4. pks: at least 2-3 times a week
5. lifting: I have never been a big fan of lifting, especially because I struggle creating the calorie deficit necessary to prevent bulking up and I am naturally muscular, NOT your distance runner physique.
6. Stretching: this is another area I have lacked this summer. I am committing to stretch (at least a little) after every run
7. Strides: this past week I have been better at incorporating some short sprints into my run. I am proud because I have added them in the last half mile of my run, the part where I usually slack off/walk. The last stretch of Central park is one of the only parts with hills (even though they're babies!) so it feels good powering up them and I feel so fast on the slight decline. I LOVE the feeling when I am sprinting fast; I feel like I'm flying! So free, so fast, so light.
8. At least twice a week, extended core. Above and beyond my ten minutes a day, twice a week I will do a longer session. Maybe get a pilates or core DVD, some ball work, etc. My "extended" session will be at least 20 minutes. I've read that the elites do 45 minutes of intense core 2-3 times a week, obviously i'm not there, but still, I am capable of lot more than i'm currently doing.
9. 1500 calories a day--It's easy for me to eat less, i get caught up in the exhilarating feeling of hunger. But I need to stop snacking, being honest about how much i'm eating, eating healthy sources of fats, incorporating treats, and eating at least, and hopefully not more, than 1500 calories a day. losing weight will not only help me to feel good, look good, run good, but also it will help prevent injury!
10. Hills: I have largely avoided hills in my runs this summer. This is mostly because my neighborhood is pretty flat, but still there ARE hills, i just haven't gone out of my way to scale them. This will change. From now on, I am going to seek out hills and run up them. I'm not aiming to do a hill workout quite yet (in a couple weeks I'll add a hill day!) but I NEED to do hillier runs. I am lying to myself if I am recording long miles at good paces on only flat streets.
Alright! So there is my ten step plan to run injury free. As I said before, it is hard swallowing a lower mileage. I joined this running website called Running2win.com and all my workouts are posted for my whole team to see, so I would like to impress them, but I need to remind myself that they don't care! Even though it feel like they do, they love me for who I am, they are not going to judge me for a slightly lower mileage. I would be foolish to run more than I can handle and end up injured. My team would much rather have me healthy than recording crazy summer mileage. Not to leave out, that running that high mileage, I run the risk of substituting speed for distance, and as I'm training for the 6k, I would be stupid to neglect speed in order to log long miles.
All that being said, I need to do about 10 miles today to keep on track for 50 miles a week, but I have a race tomorrow and my knees have been hurting. I am going to run at pleasant which is a 5 mile loop, mostly on grass/gravel which might help some of the pounding. Even though this is a long run, I am only going to do one lap and then see how I feel. I am tempted to race myself, and push the pace and see how fast I can round the lake, but I'll save that for another day. I think I will have to do at least 8 miles to count this as a long run, but maybe I could do a long run on Sunday with maren (doubtful, she said she's slow....) or sunday (doubtful, after a race?) well, against my better judgment I am going to play this one by ear. i know that often when I "wing it," I end up slacking. This is where I often struggle. I can see both sides, and I struggle to strike a balance. I can see the benefit of working hard, I mean look at Dan Greeno, he's ALL hard work and that has served him well, but I don't want to overwork and end up injured. So here's my tentative plan:
run around pleasant lake: 5 mile loop, aim for at least 8 slow miles (would I be better off going fast?), no I will keep this one easy, i can do faster workouts later on this summer, and then I will go to the ymca to bike, swim, and/or lift. then extended core workout, lunch, shower, and read at the beach or go to the mall, or bookstore. gonna be a good day as long as I can keep my eyes fixed on Him. That is, afterall, ALL that matters!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Mid-Year Goals
So here is my (short list) of over zealous goals for July. A part of me has a hunch that there is no way I will be up to the extreme challenge of these crazy goals, but I know they will improve the quality of my life, and I'm all for that. I'll divide them up into actual goals and dream/idealistic goals.
1. Get off My Butt More
It is so easy for me to just come home from a long day of work and just relax in front of the TV. Even though it takes more initiative, I think it is important for me
2. Stick to my daily check list (core, floss, Bible, prayer time, push ups)
3. Extended core, strides, pks three times a week
4.
1. Get off My Butt More
It is so easy for me to just come home from a long day of work and just relax in front of the TV. Even though it takes more initiative, I think it is important for me
2. Stick to my daily check list (core, floss, Bible, prayer time, push ups)
3. Extended core, strides, pks three times a week
4.
Day at the Beach
So currently it is 9:30 am. I have some errands to run (my mom took the car with my beach gear, so after my ipod is charged, I will go to her work to pick it up) then stop at the library to pick up some reading material for this weekend, then drive to pleasant lake to do a workout. I had originally planned on running a long run or an AT workout, but I have been such a pile lately, I don't want to force a hard workout on myself that will just flop. The lake is 4.8 miles around, so my plan is to do a ten minute warm up, and then try to go around in under 40 minutes, and hopefully come in right around 35. I have broken 35 before with minimal effort, but that was a different era and I was a different weight. I am slightly nervous I won't have time to do all this. I need to be home by 11:30 at the latest to plan enough time to shower and get ready for the beach. I think I can do it, but it will be rushed, which sucks because I hate feeling rushed. But I suppose it is all my fault. I mean, I've sat on my ass all morning, there is no excuse for putting things off this long.
I am very nervous for the beach. I do NOT feel like my body is beach ready. I feel fat, and bloated. I gave a bit of an effort to avoid salt the last couple of days, but I don't think it worked. Sometimes I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that is causing the bloating, and I've given some effort to a lactose free diet, but then it gets tough and I quit after a few days. I ate like a little pig this morning. I am so embarrassed, and now I have to go to the beach bloated and chubby. It doesn't help that I am going to the beach with my cross country captain, a sexy, tan 22 year old who has a 3.8% body fat (actual value). So I guess he's sexy only if you are into skinny ripped men with 8 packs. I do not have a crush on him, but I still would like him to find me attractive. I am so stupid like that! And also, I will be meeting his friends, and I shouldn't care, but I do. I want them to find me cute. I want them to be interested in me. And I suppose I am what I am. There is only so much I can do now. And undoubtedly, a smile and confidence will go a long way. A cheerful spirit, bright attitude, sincere smile, and confidence will fool any man into thinking I am good looking. That being said, I do NOT feel like running. I want to sit on the couch, eat even more, and drink diet soda. As one of my mid-year resolutions, I gave up diet soda (again). I actually want to give up all diet products in general. I have read studies that link diet soda to weight gain, and although I have read equal sources that doubt those findings, I am adopting a "whatever it takes" attitude to my best life, and if diet soda might lead to weight gain, headaches, bloating, mood swings and all the other crap it's been tied to, I decided it's not worth the risk. I really enjoy diet soda, but it doesn't make me happy. I don't feel satisfied after drinking one; I usually want another! And besides, I believe that discipline has value for the sole sake of discipline. I could even use it as a spiritual fast. So that is my promise, to give up diet soda. And i know (because I have sworn it off countless times in the past) that I will crave it and doubt if it's worth it, but that is why I am writing a blog, so that you readers can keep me accountable. I am giving you my word, that at least for the month of July, I will not drink diet soda. I do however, reserve the right to indulge once or twice, but certainly not more than that. And that, my friends, is the very attitude that has made me fat.
Anyways, the whole reason I started this post was to address two issues. The first, that although I am fat, I am not letting that stop me from having fun at the beach. I am sexy, and confidence will allow me to present myself well. I do not have the body I wish I had, but I am going to put my best foot forward today no matter what, and swear to do better tomorrow.
And second, that how sad it is that I often spend way to long getting my physical body ready for a date, doing everything I can to make it beautiful, but yet I rarely prepare my heart for a date. And for this, I repent. This being said, I am going to read my bible, pray, and seek after the lord until my ipod is charged. And I will use this run as worship, that is after all, the only reason I run.
I am very nervous for the beach. I do NOT feel like my body is beach ready. I feel fat, and bloated. I gave a bit of an effort to avoid salt the last couple of days, but I don't think it worked. Sometimes I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that is causing the bloating, and I've given some effort to a lactose free diet, but then it gets tough and I quit after a few days. I ate like a little pig this morning. I am so embarrassed, and now I have to go to the beach bloated and chubby. It doesn't help that I am going to the beach with my cross country captain, a sexy, tan 22 year old who has a 3.8% body fat (actual value). So I guess he's sexy only if you are into skinny ripped men with 8 packs. I do not have a crush on him, but I still would like him to find me attractive. I am so stupid like that! And also, I will be meeting his friends, and I shouldn't care, but I do. I want them to find me cute. I want them to be interested in me. And I suppose I am what I am. There is only so much I can do now. And undoubtedly, a smile and confidence will go a long way. A cheerful spirit, bright attitude, sincere smile, and confidence will fool any man into thinking I am good looking. That being said, I do NOT feel like running. I want to sit on the couch, eat even more, and drink diet soda. As one of my mid-year resolutions, I gave up diet soda (again). I actually want to give up all diet products in general. I have read studies that link diet soda to weight gain, and although I have read equal sources that doubt those findings, I am adopting a "whatever it takes" attitude to my best life, and if diet soda might lead to weight gain, headaches, bloating, mood swings and all the other crap it's been tied to, I decided it's not worth the risk. I really enjoy diet soda, but it doesn't make me happy. I don't feel satisfied after drinking one; I usually want another! And besides, I believe that discipline has value for the sole sake of discipline. I could even use it as a spiritual fast. So that is my promise, to give up diet soda. And i know (because I have sworn it off countless times in the past) that I will crave it and doubt if it's worth it, but that is why I am writing a blog, so that you readers can keep me accountable. I am giving you my word, that at least for the month of July, I will not drink diet soda. I do however, reserve the right to indulge once or twice, but certainly not more than that. And that, my friends, is the very attitude that has made me fat.
Anyways, the whole reason I started this post was to address two issues. The first, that although I am fat, I am not letting that stop me from having fun at the beach. I am sexy, and confidence will allow me to present myself well. I do not have the body I wish I had, but I am going to put my best foot forward today no matter what, and swear to do better tomorrow.
And second, that how sad it is that I often spend way to long getting my physical body ready for a date, doing everything I can to make it beautiful, but yet I rarely prepare my heart for a date. And for this, I repent. This being said, I am going to read my bible, pray, and seek after the lord until my ipod is charged. And I will use this run as worship, that is after all, the only reason I run.
Get Real to Get Healed
I think my biggest problem when it comes to losing weight is being real. I often am mystified as to how I got so heavy and why I now just can't seem to lose the extra weight. I am tempted to blame poor genetics as the culprit. And as I feel like I am doing everything right: I run every day, often twice a day, I eat almost only super healthy foods, in small quantities. All that considered, I am tempted to believe that I am one of those people that fat just clings to and doesn't come off for anything. But I suspect that the real reason is I am simply unaware of how much I am actually eating and perhaps in denial about how much i am actually running. That is a huge reason I started this blog. I am committing to keeping a detailed food diary and fitness journal. I am nervous about this. I suck at commitment, I suck at organization, and I risk crossing the line from health to obsession (ok, now that that's in writing, it seems ridiculous--the power of the blog). Ok, so I am committing to it. And I'm sorry, but a lot of it will turn up here. For example: breakfast: weight control oatmeal with protein--not the healthiest option (it has aspartame) but it's so good! I ate about 1.5 packets, which I estimate to be 250 calories. I also ate a peach (35). So that is all well and good, but here's the downside, I kept nibbling. I ate some grapes, some cereal, and --gasp--some ice cream? wow, this is why i'm fat. i also ate pistaccios, peanutbutter, and black berries. I see so many people confused as to how they got chubby, but I often see others eat more than they realize, but I refuse to be that girl. Being thin is important to me. I wish it weren't so, but my happiness does depend on my weight. I will lose 20 pounds. It will be tough. It will be horribly tough, it will take courage, sweat, and maybe some tears. It will take sacrifice, it will take effort, and it will take change. Change takes changes, I would be a fool to think I can do the same things, with more effort, and lose weight. Something's gotta give.
Goals
I have so many goals. I love lists: lists about things I have to do, want to buy, want to accomplish, bucket lists, rules, etc. But on the top of my "goal" list is to lose 20 pounds. I understand that many women desire to lose some lbs, but to me this goal goes much deeper than the vanity pounds. i am currently at a healthy weight: I weigh 140 and am about 5'4". A healthy weight range for my height is 110-145, and I simply desire to hit the lower half of that range. Ideally, I would like to weight 112-115, but 120 is my shorter term goal. I have a bit of a time crunch, however. Cross Country season starts in less than weeks. Studies have shown that runners who lost 20 pounds automatically dropped over 2.5 minutes from their 6k time. As a collegiate distance runner, this is important to me. I want to lose weight to be the best runner I can be, to prove to my coach and teammates that I'm dedicated, and to prove to myself that I can do it. I believe that it is that last part of that sentence that is the biggest to me.
As I said before, this goal goes deep for me. I desire to lose weight because I desire discipline. I greatly value discipline and self control, if for no other reason than discipline and self control themselves.
I get so down on myself when I fall through on my goals. Granted, sometime my goals are far too idealistic and my expectations for myself are unreasonable, but some things aren't excusable. If i pitty myself, who is going to crack down!? I wish I had a coach to pep talk me before every workout and every decision, but I don't. I have to be my own coach.
I have a goal, I have a dream. It is going to take a heck of a lot of work to get there, but I sure as heck can't stay here.
As I said before, this goal goes deep for me. I desire to lose weight because I desire discipline. I greatly value discipline and self control, if for no other reason than discipline and self control themselves.
I get so down on myself when I fall through on my goals. Granted, sometime my goals are far too idealistic and my expectations for myself are unreasonable, but some things aren't excusable. If i pitty myself, who is going to crack down!? I wish I had a coach to pep talk me before every workout and every decision, but I don't. I have to be my own coach.
I have a goal, I have a dream. It is going to take a heck of a lot of work to get there, but I sure as heck can't stay here.
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