Day at the Beach

So currently it is 9:30 am. I have some errands to run (my mom took the car with my beach gear, so after my ipod is charged, I will go to her work to pick it up) then stop at the library to pick up some reading material for this weekend, then drive to pleasant lake to do a workout. I had originally planned on running a long run or an AT workout, but I have been such a pile lately, I don't want to force a hard workout on myself that will just flop. The lake is 4.8 miles around, so my plan is to do a ten minute warm up, and then try to go around in under 40 minutes, and hopefully come in right around 35. I have broken 35 before with minimal effort, but that was a different era and I was a different weight. I am slightly nervous I won't have time to do all this. I need to be home by 11:30 at the latest to plan enough time to shower and get ready for the beach. I think I can do it, but it will be rushed, which sucks because I hate feeling rushed. But I suppose it is all my fault. I mean, I've sat on my ass all morning, there is no excuse for putting things off this long.
I am very nervous for the beach. I do NOT feel like my body is beach ready. I feel fat, and bloated. I gave a bit of an effort to avoid salt the last couple of days, but I don't think it worked. Sometimes I think I'm lactose intolerant, and that is causing the bloating, and I've given some effort to a lactose free diet, but then it gets tough and I quit after a few days. I ate like a little pig this morning. I am so embarrassed, and now I have to go to the beach bloated and chubby. It doesn't help that I am going to the beach with my cross country captain, a sexy, tan 22 year old who has a 3.8% body fat (actual value). So I guess he's sexy only if you are into skinny ripped men with 8 packs. I do not have a crush on him, but I still would like him to find me attractive. I am so stupid like that! And also, I will be meeting his friends, and I shouldn't care, but I do. I want them to find me cute. I want them to be interested in me. And I suppose I am what I am. There is only so much I can do now. And undoubtedly, a smile and confidence will go a long way. A cheerful spirit, bright attitude, sincere smile, and confidence will fool any man into thinking I am good looking. That being said, I do NOT feel like running. I want to sit on the couch, eat even more, and drink diet soda. As one of my mid-year resolutions, I gave up diet soda (again). I actually want to give up all diet products in general. I have read studies that link diet soda to weight gain, and although I have read equal sources that doubt those findings, I am adopting a "whatever it takes" attitude to my best life, and if diet soda might lead to weight gain, headaches, bloating, mood swings and all the other crap it's been tied to, I decided it's not worth the risk. I really enjoy diet soda, but it doesn't make me happy. I don't feel satisfied after drinking one; I usually want another! And besides, I believe that discipline has value for the sole sake of discipline. I could even use it as a spiritual fast. So that is my promise, to give up diet soda. And i know (because I have sworn it off countless times in the past) that I will crave it and doubt if it's worth it, but that is why I am writing a blog, so that you readers can keep me accountable. I am giving you my word, that at least for the month of July, I will not drink diet soda. I do however, reserve the right to indulge once or twice, but certainly not more than that. And that, my friends, is the very attitude that has made me fat.
Anyways, the whole reason I started this post was to address two issues. The first, that although I am fat, I am not letting that stop me from having fun at the beach. I am sexy, and confidence will allow me to present myself well. I do not have the body I wish I had, but I am going to put my best foot forward today no matter what, and swear to do better tomorrow.
And second, that how sad it is that I often spend way to long getting my physical body ready for a date, doing everything I can to make it beautiful, but yet I rarely prepare my heart for a date. And for this, I repent. This being said, I am going to read my bible, pray, and seek after the lord until my ipod is charged. And I will use this run as worship, that is after all, the only reason I run.